I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
