So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
