I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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