I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
