Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
