You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize