New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
