Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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