I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
