that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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