did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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