I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
