I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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