a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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