Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
