i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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