Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
