I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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