I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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