Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
