my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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