I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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