Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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