My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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