are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize