Got a toothbrush?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
