to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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