I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
