He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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