We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
