I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
