if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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