I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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