I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
