oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Send help, water and tortillas.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
