so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
