I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
