Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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