I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
