Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
