you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
