just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
