i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
