So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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