Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i think my cat just said my name.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
