Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
