Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
