I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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