so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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