never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
