i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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