Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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