jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
