Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it's like iHOP with fire
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
