You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
