well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
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This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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