Its about making memories worth repressing
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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