My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
