I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i believe in u and ur pee
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
