like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
